But I've been like a parasite, just staying in this warm, depressing place for the past several years.
I know doing all those things I mentioned above will make my life so much better and fulfilling. But I'm afraid to take that first step. I've held on so long to this pain that it's become my blanket, like Linus.
Reminds me of the John Mayer song, "Heart of Life", especially the line "Fear is a friend who's misunderstood." I wonder if that means the fear I thought was keeping me from being the person I want to be is actually what's driving me towards that. Fear of settling for less, of being mediocre, of being a sorry piece of shit.
It's sad that I'm still pining over some girl I haven't seen in over 5 years. But at the same time it's that somewhat traumatic experience that first gave me the courage to let go of my religion and discover truth, and I hope that courage can carry me on towards better things. I have to accept the fact that I don't need her, that I have the ability within me to be the man I want to be.
I know doing all those things I mentioned above will make my life so much better and fulfilling. But I'm afraid to take that first step. I've held on so long to this pain that it's become my blanket, like Linus.
Reminds me of the John Mayer song, "Heart of Life", especially the line "Fear is a friend who's misunderstood." I wonder if that means the fear I thought was keeping me from being the person I want to be is actually what's driving me towards that. Fear of settling for less, of being mediocre, of being a sorry piece of shit.
It's sad that I'm still pining over some girl I haven't seen in over 5 years. But at the same time it's that somewhat traumatic experience that first gave me the courage to let go of my religion and discover truth, and I hope that courage can carry me on towards better things. I have to accept the fact that I don't need her, that I have the ability within me to be the man I want to be.
I see people (hell, I live with someone like this) who kept holding on to something they thought would give their life meaning, and now they live with such regret. They're empty shells of human beings, barely surviving. no joie de vivre. Worse, they suck the life out of people around them, determined to make others feel just as miserable as they do. That's the last thing I want.
Whatever I do, be it writing, sketching, or music, I want to give life to people. To quote Walt Whitman:
Whatever I do, be it writing, sketching, or music, I want to give life to people. To quote Walt Whitman:
That you are here—that life exists and identity,
That the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse.
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